Soccer Toolbox

How to Make Coaching a True Profession

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Professionals seek a standard of excellence, constantly improving and incorporating the best knowledge and research in your field in order to get better at what you do every single day.

By John O’Sullivan, founder of Change the Game Project.

“What makes you a professional?”

That was the question Dr. Richard Bailey, Head of Research at the International Council of Sport Science and Physical Education, posed to me and 250 PGA instructors in Orlando this past January at the PGA Youth and Global Summit.

“Does getting paid to do something make you a professional? I don’t think so,” he continued, as he displayed the image above.

“Does belonging to a professional association of coaches or instructors make you a professional?” he asked. “Can’t we do better than that? Don’t we expect more of our professional doctors and lawyers and accountants than to simply be paid for their work or belong to a trade association?”

“No, being a professional is much more. It means seeking a standard of excellence, constantly improving and incorporating the best knowledge and research in your field in order to get better at what you do every single day. That is what it means to be a professional.”

A lot of heads were nodding in the crowd.

“Then we better get to work,” said Bailey, “because when it comes to coaching across the globe, there are far too many coaches who want to be considered professionals in their field, but have no intention of improving themselves or seeking a standard of excellence. They want to be treated like professionals but have no intention of acting like one. This is what we need to change.”

Amen Dr. B! Amen! (click here to listen to our podcast with Dr. B!)

I am a coach. For the past twenty plus years, coaching has been my profession. Yet for far too long, I didn’t act professionally. I got paid. I joined associations. I took my certifications and licenses. But I didn’t look beyond those things. I didn’t seek out more. I blamed my players for not learning, instead of myself for not properly teaching. And then something remarkable happened.

I had my own children. I realized for the first time in my life that there was something more important than myself. I realized the tremendous trust and responsibility that was placed with me by parents who turned over the physical and emotional well-being of their children to me.

I realized I was letting too many of those kids down. It was time for me to become a true professional coach and not simply a coach who got paid. It changed me forever as a coach. It did not make me perfect – far from it – but every day I try and get better. How?

I think about what I missed at practice today.

When players do not learn something, I look first to where I failed as a teacher before I blame the students.

I look for more effective ways to teach.

I try and be a better listener.

I surround myself with coaches who challenge me and critique how I work.

I read books and research on a daily basis.

Do you?

Our goal at the Changing the Game Project is for all coaches to become more professional in our work. That does not mean we all will get paid, but it does mean they get trained and held to a higher standard. Our work is too important.

This article is for those of us who do get paid. This is for coaches who take a paycheck and work with kids and young adults, either on a full-time or part-time basis. Because I look around and I see a lot of non-professionals out there, and you are doing our profession a huge disservice. You are giving us a bad name. You refuse to attend certification or licensing, and never pick up a book or go watch a true master coach at work. Some of you are scaring families and children into accepting everything you say and do, a deity who controls their playing time, their participation, and their future, promising scholarships and “playing at the next level” without even understanding what that means, or caring how many eggs you break in order to find one that does not crack.

We need a higher standard. Parents must demand it. Good coaches must demand it. Athletes must demand it. And administrators must demand it. So what does that standard look like?

When Dr. Jerry Lynch and I work with college teams, we start with two basic questions:

  1.     What are we doing now that we need to KEEP doing if we want to be successful in the future?
  2.     What do we need to STOP doing that we are doing now if we want to be successful in the future?

These questions seem quite appropriate here. What do we need to keep doing, and what do we need to stop doing, if we want coaching to be a profession?

Here are a few things that I see great coaches doing, that we ALL must keep doing in order to truly be professionals:

–       Be a lifelong learner and master of your craft: the number of NCAA, world and Olympic titles that guests on our Way of Champions Podcast have won is approaching 100, and the one commonality amongst the best coaches is that they are lifelong learners. Peter Vint, former USOC Performance Director, said it best when describing USA Women’s Volleyball Coach Karch Kiraly: “He has a deep curiosity and a relentless pursuit of becoming better.” YES!

–       Be a good listener: This is one quality that all great leaders possess, the ability to listen to their athletes and use what they hear to craft great practices and build great teams. Great listeners are great connectors, and the ability to connect is a core competency of quality coaching

–       Coach the person, not the sport: you don’t coach soccer, you coach Johnnie and Jimmy. Every single person in your group needs something slightly different from you. Some need discipline, and some need a hug, because they never get it at home. Know the difference and relentlessly connect with each person and each athlete. Ultimately, your influence will last much longer than the sport.

–       Intentionally build culture and positive team dynamics: when they ask kids what makes sports fun, three of the top five things have to do with positivity and great team building. Culture is not an accident, it is something that is purposely created. Culture is not an event; it is a process. Great coaches create the positive culture and dynamics that allows athletes to flourish.

–       Engage parents: “Most parents are not crazy: they are stressed,” says Skye Eddy Bruce, founder of www.SoccerParenting.com. “We need to stop using the crazy ones as an excuse to not engage the stressed ones.” YES! Parents are stressed because they are afraid their child is missing out, they are running all over the place taking kids to private this and group that, and it costs money and time. Professional youth coaches build trust, give parents good information, communicate continuously, and give feedback to parents and kids. Your life will be much easier if you recognize parents as partners in the process and engage them as such. A little work up front saves you a lot of work on the back end!

–       Make yourself redundant: as opposed to joystick coaching (see below). I have heard quite a few top coaches say this, and describe how they give ownership to athletes in incremental bits so that they start to hold each other accountable, solve problems on their own, and take ownership of the team. James Kerr talks about this in Legacy, how the New Zealand All-Blacks do this (“pass the ball”). Steve Kerr talks about the Warriors being “the players’ team.” This is tough, but it is how great coaches work. A side benefit is your athletes will be more engaged, more focused, and excited to learn once the focus shifts to an internal locus of control.

–       Understand coaching is about Xs and Os AND Relationships: we speak a lot about winning the relationship game with your athletes, yet sadly far too few coaching courses teach this. Yes, your activities and knowledge of Xs and Os and sport science matters, but it is not sufficient. Your players don’t care how much you know ‘till they know how much you care!

–       Get a mentor, or 6: surround yourself with other coaches in and outside of your sport who will critique you, challenge you, and push you to become better. Film yourself, ask for feedback from players and parents, and if you expect your players to be open to learning, demonstrate that you are as well.

Here are a few things youth coaches must STOP doing if we want to be considered professionals:

–       Demeaning children: I just read this incredible letter from a coach who is dying of cancer. He reflected on how he speaks to the kids, and how he may be giving his last pregame talk. If we are not OK with our words being the last words a child ever hears from us, then those words should never leave our lips. As Coach Russ Powell concludes in his letter, “I simply refuse to make a player feel bad because they’ve missed a penalty, misplaced a pass or lacks natural ability in their game. Now you may read this and dismiss it that’s your choice. The one thing to think about is, you never know when your last team talk will be or the last time you see your child play football. I know that time for me is soon and I want to make it an incredible experience.”

–       Ignoring Parents: who are we to be so high and mighty that we do not let parents know how their kids are doing, where they stand, and how they can help. We need to engage them, not ignore them.

–       Disrespecting officials: treat them with the dignity and respect that they deserve. Just because someone gets $20 a game to officiate does not give you the right to berate them and insult them, especially over an inconsequential call. It is a terrible message to your players, disrespects the game you coach, and is currently driving officials out of sports faster than we can replace them. What will you do when there is no one left to referee?

–       Not letting kids play: there is no game at the youth level that is so important that a player who comes to practices and fulfills the basic commitments of the team should not get meaningful playing time in. None. IF YOU PICK THEM, YOU PLAY THEM. The number of emails I get from parents of children who want to quit a sport they once loved because the coach refuses to put them in, or pulls them after a single mistake, are way too high.

–       Refusing to educate yourself: stop talking about 10,000 hours to mastery as if it is some magical boundary; there is no such thing! Stop isolating skills in blocked practices and then wondering why the players cannot perform them in games and matches Please read the actual peer-reviewed science and the latest evidence on how people learn and how skill is acquired. Stop saying “I have always done it this way” as that is about as unprofessional as it gets.

–       Joystick coaching: let the intelligence be on the field, not on the sideline. Let them make decisions, let them face desirable difficulties, let them make mistakes, and create an environment of learning. If you move every player where he should be and solve every problem the game presents, what then? When do the players get to learn?

Coaches, we need to be professionals. Not simply paycheck collectors. Not simply members of some trade association (though that is a start).

We must be true professionals.

Men and women who seek a standard of excellence in our work every single day.

Men and women who hold each other accountable for that high standard.

Men and women who call out those who do not meet the standard.

Men and women who celebrate those that do.

We are coaches.

We don’t just have a job.

We have a calling, and an immense responsibility.

And that calling demands more.

Coach O’Sullivan is a former college and professional player as well as a high school, club team and college coach. He is offering a FREE video series that is part of his Coaching Mastery program. For more information about gaining access to that program click the link above or in the image below. The video series includes a wealth of coaching education including some motivational and team building ideas used by some of the most successful coaches.


What Does Good Communication Look Like?

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This post is provided by Coaches Network

Communication is a two-way street. Not only do coaches need to be able to send clear messages that are interpreted as intended, they also need to receive messages from their athletes and staff.

In a book published by Human Kinetics, Sports psychologists Damon Burton and Thomas Raedeke, describe what good communication looks like and why it’s so important to the success of a coach.

Coaches who can clearly communicate expectations, goals, standards, and feelings to their athletes will be better able to provide instruction and lead their team. First, it’s important to note that there are two types of communication: verbal and nonverbal. Both can play a major role in how you interact with your athletes.

Many don’t realize how much nonverbal actions or gestures can affect the messages you send to others. According to Burton and Raedeke, “communication experts suggest that between 65% and 93% of the meaning of a message is conveyed through tone of voice and nonverbal behaviors (Johnson 2003).” This means that your behavior should reinforce what you say. For example, if you tell your athletes to have a positive attitude regardless of the score, you shouldn’t have a sad or dejected look on the sidelines when your team is losing or making mistakes.

Just as athletes will pick up your nonverbal cues, coaches can also learn a lot from the ways athletes behave. Not every athlete is going to tell you when they’re feeling confident or when they’re unhappy or discouraged. By being an active observer, you can better understand how your athletes are feeling and how you should communicate with them.

Timing is key to communication. Coaches constantly need to make judgments on whether or not a message needs to be sent. Sometimes a situation requires a coach’s intervention, while other times athletes might benefit from having the independence to figure things out on their own. Try to find a balance between talking too much and talking too little. Coaches who talk too much tend to ramble on and bore their athletes with unnecessary instruction, while coaches who talk too little can make the mistake of assuming their athletes know what to do or what is expected of them.

Interpretation is also a major factor. Saying something is one thing, but getting others to correctly interpret what you mean is another. It’s easy for coaches to think that what they say to their athletes will be interpreted as encouragement or helpful instruction. Yet, according to Burton and Raedeke, a simple “Run hard!” from a coach can sometimes be interpreted as “He never thinks I run hard enough.” In order to effectively communicate, you will need to give equal weight to the content of the message and the emotional impact on the receiver. By getting to know your athletes, you can become more aware of what to say and how to say it.

Burton and Raedeke cite a study that involved spending hundreds of hours observing coaches and evaluating their impact on athletes (Smith 2001, Smoll & Smith 2006). The researchers observed more than 70 coaches, coded over 80,000 behaviors, and surveyed close to 1,000 athletes. Their findings provide a helpful guide to effective communication.

They found that athletes responded positively to coaches who provided:

Positive feedback after a good performance effort
Corrective instruction and encouragement after a performance mistake
Technical instruction and a moderate amount of general encouragement unrelated to performance quality

On the other hand, athletes responded unfavorably to coaches who:

Failed to notice or reinforce good performance efforts
Criticized mistakes
Provided instruction after a mistake in a critical fashion


13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

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Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life. Check out these things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become more mentally strong.

By Amy Morin, LCSW, author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do”

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

They accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

They don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

They don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

I am always looking for mental toughness resources and just finished reading the Book “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.” The lessons are applicable to all areas of living a happy and successful life, including athletics.


Everybody Wants to be Somebody

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Everybody wants to be somebody.  Once this becomes a fundamental way of viewing your teammates, classmates, and everyone you meet, you will become a person of influence.

Dr. Cory Dobbs
The Academy for Sport Leadership

Homelessness is a complex problem. Not just because a person without a home needs money and other essential resources—but because the psychological consequences are crippling.  A homeless person must confront society’s perception of their worth.  When an individual first encounters homelessness they experience a radical shift in their identity.  They begin to struggle with basic life questions such as who they are and what the future will bring.  The homeless person’s sense of self worth deteriorates quickly.

There isn’t a person in the world who doesn’t want to be someone, to have significance and be considered worthy and valued by others.  Everybody wants to be somebody.

“One day I was in Tucson, Arizona putting gas in my car when I witnessed a homeless man asking if he could wash peoples windows for money and people would yell at him and push him away like he was some kind of animal. I felt for that man and even though I’ve never been homeless or put in the position he was in I could relate to him.”
–Steven Lopez, State Champion Wrestler

How do you treat the last person on the bench?  Is it different from the way you treat the star player on the team?  Why?  Is a person’s worth determined by their value on the court or playing field?  How do you treat every person you meet?

Everybody wants to be somebody.  Once this becomes a fundamental way of viewing your teammates, classmates, and everyone you meet, you will become a person of influence.

As he walked towards me with his head down I was expecting him to ask me if he could  wash my windows and I was going to say yes but he kept walking. So as he passed me I asked if he could wash my windows and he said “yes” so he began to do so. After he was done he started walking away not even asking for money which took me by surprise.  But I felt he did a service and should be rewarded so I called him over and said I was going to pay him. His eyes opened wide and I could just see the joy on his face. I checked my wallet and all I had was a $10 bill.  My first thought was $10 for a simple window wash seems too much but I looked towards the bigger picture; do I need that $10 more than he does? And my answer was no, I felt he needed it more than I did.  So I gave it to him and he said that it was too much and he couldn’t accept it but I insisted and the look on his face will be something I’ll never forget. 
–Steven Lopez

Almost everyone knows what it feels like to be accepted, connected, trusted—a friend—and what it feels like to be rejected, judged, and outside the group.  When people feel disconnected they feel a sense of worthlessness.

He told me it would take about 2-3 days worth of washing windows to make $10 and was very grateful. He gave me a hug and I could see other people staring but I didn’t mind, I helped the man out with what I could. As amazing as that felt what happened after made me feel so much happier. People would go up to him and give him money without him doing anything and some of them were the same people who were yelling at him, so that’s when I realized sometimes all it takes is just one person to start something and I could be that first person.
–Steven Lopez

To be a person of influence you need to truly care about people.  Great team leaders are student-athletes that influence teammates by showing others that they care.  The high performing team leader knows that everybody needs friendship, encouragement, and help.  What people can accomplish by themselves pales in comparison to what they can accomplish working with others.  Everybody needs somebody to connect with and help them grow.

I felt for that man and even though I’ve never been homeless or put in the position he was in I could relate to him.
–Steven Lopez, State Champion Wrestler

Everybody wants to be somebody.  Today at practice take a long look at your teammates and identify somebody who needs you to build up their confidence and sense of self-worth.  Let them know that they are welcome in your house.

Team Discussion Questions

«Do you believe that luck plays a role in your life?

«What do you think about luck?  How might a little luck change a person’s life?

«Should empathy be a part of one’s mindset?  How can you show empathy through your designated role?

«What role do relationships play in your personal success?  Your team’s success?

«What can you do today to invest in the future of a teammate?

To find out more about and order Sport Leadership Books authored by Dr. Dobbs including a Leader in Every Locker that this post was taken from, Click this link: The Academy for Sport Leadership Books

About The Academy for Sport Leadership

The Academy for Sport Leadership’s underlying convictions are as follows: 1) the most important lessons of leadership are learned in real-life situations, 2) team leaders develop best through active practice, structured reflection, and informative feedback, 3) learning to lead is an on-going process in which guidance from a mentor, coach, or colleague helps facilitate learning and growth, and 4) leadership lessons learned in sport should transcend the game and assist student-athletes in developing the capacity to lead in today’s changing environment.


Being a Coach of Positive Significance

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Are you a leader who has reached a point in your coaching career where you no longer measure success in wins and losses, and in trophies and medals? If so, you are a coach of positive significance.  Coaches of positive significance realize that when you invest in people off the field, success on the field usually follows.

This article was provided by Changing the Game Project

By John O’Sullivan

When you are in the coaching profession, one of the things you learn early on is not to take things too personally. Your biggest fans when you win may become your biggest critics when you lose. Your players may love you one moment, and grumble the next, and it is important to maintain perspective and see the big picture even when they cannot. If you are doing your job, your players and fans will not always appreciate the moment, but they will appreciate your great coaching years from now.

Recently I have read numerous articles about longtime coaches resigning due to parent complaints over things like playing time, selection for varsity or JV, and the like. I have read about states passing legislation to protect coaches from parent complaints. Then I read this article about a former high school basketball player who was suing his former coach and athletic director because he didn’t get enough playing time.  This is insane. This I took personally.

It reminded me on an incident a few years ago when I was the Director of Coaching for a youth soccer organization and we were conducting a membership survey to learn more about what was going well, and what could be improved in our organization. Amongst all the valuable feedback we received, one comment stood out, and I took it personally. It said:

“How hard is it to coach? All you do is come up with a drill or two, and sit there in your chair and watch games. Anyone could do it.”

Really, I thought. Do you have any ideas how many hours a week a good coach spends planning practice, and then analyzing how it went afterwards so it can be better next time? Do you know how many hours a great coach often agonizes before and after a game, second guessing decisions he or she made so that next time it gets better?

Do you know how many hours a coach spends talking to players, not about only sport but about life? Do you realize how many hours are spent dealing with a parents’ divorce, a broken heart or problems with drugs or alcohol?

Do you know how many hours a coach spends with other team parents, helping them reach their teenager when he is going through a difficult time? Do you know how much time goes into helping an athlete find the right university or path after high school?

Do you know how many hours a coach spends with your kids, instead of his or her own?

Here is something most people who have never been in the coaching profession don’t know: the hours spent by a great coach on the field or court developing athletes are usually dwarfed by the hours spent off the court developing people. This happens behind the scenes and out of the public eye.

I call these great people “coaches of positive significance.” These are leaders who have reached a point in their coaching careers where they no longer measure success in wins and losses, and in trophies and medals.

These coaches develop better people and better players. They measure success not in championships, but by the number of significant life events they are invited to by their players. When an athlete invites a coach to a wedding, or graduation, or other such event, the athlete is doing that not because he or she won some championship. The y invite a coach who has profoundly changed them for the better as a person.

And here is the secret sauce. These coaches of positive significance realize that when you invest in people off the field, success on the field usually follows.

Sadly, in our current era of entitlement, and parents who think they are helping their kids by mowing down all obstacles (we call them lawnmower parents) in their child’s march toward Ivy League schooling and college athletics, our coaches of positive significance are becoming an endangered species. These amazing people who are willing to push your child, to take him or her out of their comfort zone, to say “good, now do more,” are being threatened by a minority of parents who are willing to yell loudly and make a big stink every time their precious little child faces some adversity.

These coaches are no longer able to push athletes to be better people and better competitors like they used to. They no longer can cut a kid without fear of repercussions. They no longer can hold an athlete accountable for their poor decisions without worrying about a mom or dad undermining their authority. They know that in many situations if they cut an undeserving player and say “now go home, work hard, get better and prove me wrong next year” they will spend their season in meetings with school board members explaining themselves and being second guessed.

This is very sad.

You see, coaching is one of the toughest jobs in the world. As my friend and coaching mentor Bruce Brown of Proactive Coaching is fond of saying, “we work with kids, in highly emotional situations, in public, while keeping score. And the words we choose to say in those moments, either helpful or hurtful, can stick with a kid for a lifetime.”

When you reflect on Coach Brown’s words, calling yourself coach can become quite a scary thing. A coach can be one of the most influential people in a child’s life, either positively or negatively. There are millions of coaches who take the field each and every year, yet only a tiny percentage make a living wage from it. The vast majority are volunteers or get a small stipend. They don’t coach for money.

They coach because their child is playing.

They coach because no one else volunteered to step up and coach.

They coach because they love kids, and love a game.

They coach because in their childhood a person called Coach made them a better athlete, and a better person.

They coach because it is a way to give back to their community.

And yet at the drop of a hat, these people can be embroiled in a lawsuit, or confronted by a gun wielding parent, and be judged by the same standards as we judge our highly paid college and professional coaches that we see on TV.

I speak to friends in the college coaching profession, who tell me how their athletic directors – who years ago all used to be former coaches – are now often former corporate CEO’s who are no longer focused upon the athletes as people, but as tools to raise revenue and win trophies and recognition. They are now under the orders of a boss whom believes you run a company by firing a certain percentage of your employees every year, and as soon as a person under you makes a mistake, you cut them loose. They are told to get rid of problem athletes instead of mentoring them. They are given one-year contracts and judged on a season of wins and losses, instead of a lifetime of developing people.

But this is not the type of conditions where coaches of positive significance thrive! Can you imagine being a college football coach? Can you imagine having 100 teenage sons? Do you think at least one of them might be making a bad decision each week?

Do you think its right to cut a kid loose for every bad decision, especially when you have sat in that athlete’s living room, and promised his parents or guardians that you will look after him when he is away from home, and care for him like they care for their son? Isn’t our job not only to mentor a kid when he is scoring touchdowns, but when he is failing a class or making a poor decision? Aren’t coaches supposed to provide him not just with coaching for sport, but coaching for life?

Coaches of positive significance do just that. They teach skills that serve people for decades, not just for a few years when they are athletes. They make tough decisions and teach tough lessons, and have the patience to know that the athletes might not appreciate it now, but will someday.

Some Thoughts for Parents

If your child has a great coach in his or her life, you should be grateful that he or she is willing to give up the time and energy to help your child grow, regardless of whether they get paid for it. You should realize that the time and energy the coach is investing in your child is multiplied by 10, or 20, or however many kids are coached by that person.

Parents, please understand that your child needs adversity in his or her life in order to grow. Your child needs a great coach, not an easy one, and will thank you later for it. When you think back on the most influential teachers, coaches or people in your life, were they the ones who let you coast, or let you give less than your best effort? No way, they were the ones who took you to a place you had never been before, and would never have gotten to on your own.

That is what a coach of positive significance does.

I have gotten a lot of questions about coaches who are bullies, and who create environments of intimidation and fear, and I will deal with that in a follow up article.  Coaches who lead this way are an insult to the profession, and give great coaches a black eye. The coaches of the “Friday Night Tykes” genre call themselves professional coaches, but they are not professional in any sense of the word. I will deal with that situation in another article.

But here I am talking about great coaches. The following is a partial list of items that are NOT bullying by a coach. They are things good coaches do! Examples are:

  • Positively pushing your child out of his comfort zone to improve his play
  • Demanding focus and effort each and every day
  • Playing your child in an unfamiliar position
  • Not starting your child in every game
  • Having higher expectations for your child than you do
  • Having a different opinion of your child’s ability than you do
  • Expecting commitment, and reasonable repercussions for players who do not fulfill it, applied equally for every player
  • Expecting your child to adhere to team rules and standards
  • Holding your child to a standard that you might not hold him or her to. It might cost the team a game, but will teach a lesson for life

This list is not meant to be all-inclusive, but I wanted to give some examples of things that good coaches do to make players better. They are also examples of things parents have complained to me about in my role as a coach and a Director of Coaching. They are the majority of complaints a high school athletic director deals with on a daily basis.

The above examples are not bullying; they are good coaching! Improvement in any achievement activity does not come without struggle, without times of discomfort and difficulty. Good coaches know how to put athletes in these situations, yet create a climate where these things are well communicated and understood to be part of the learning process. No child has the right to start every game, or play every minute, or play the position she wants to play. This is not how you become a high-performer, and good coaches understand this. So parents, please, get over it and move on. Make it a teachable moment.

Actually, on second thought, go up and thank that coach, he or she is doing your kid a favor!

Some thoughts for coaches

Coaches, the professionalization of youth sports has made our jobs very difficult. The pressure we are under to win has never been greater. Never before have the difficult choices we face between developing players and developing people been placed under more scrutiny. We are constantly second guessed by pseudo experts who are willing to invest the time and energy to remove us from their child’s path to stardom.

Being a coach of positive significance has never been harder. But it has never been more important!

The world has never needed you more than it does right now. Our kids have never needed you more than they do right now.

A person called coach, who creates an environment of love and respect in order to teach children about sport and life, has never been more important than it is today.

It can be very easy to put up a wall, to shut your door and say it’s my way or the highway, in order to keep out all the riff raff and just coach. But please don’t!

Don’t let the vocal minority push you out of something you love. Keep teaching, keep mentoring, and keep modeling good behavior for your players. Those kids whose parents are the most troublesome are the ones who need you the most, because they are not getting it at home!

Never stop learning and improving yourself. If you are a new coach, find a mentor! There is no more powerful way to improve your coaching than by connecting with a coach who has been there and done it before. This is a necessary part of your education, yet one that many coaches never get.

Keep educating yourself. You do not know it all, you do not know enough. You can always improve. This is what we tell our players, and we need to take our own advice.

On that note, I want to tell you about a unique coaching education opportunity.

I have been interviewing master coaches and studying cultures of excellence in youth sports in preparation for writing my upcoming book (“Beyond Xs and Os: Developing a Positive Coaching Legacy” is the working title), and I want to share that information with you.

I have been conducting coaching education classes throughout North America, and recently in Europe, discussing the common characteristics of these coaches and the environments they create. And in doing so, I have come to see a gaping hole in our support and education of coaches.

When I conduct coaching seminars, I ask the coaches to list five words or phrases that describe their best coach and/or teacher. We put these on sticky notes and place them up on the front wall of our talks under two categories: “Technical/Tactical knowledge of the game” and “Connection/Emotional intelligence.”

I have asked thousands of coaches to complete this exercise, and what I have found is an eye opener to both me, and the coaches in attendance.

80%-90% of the characteristics that make a great coach, as stated by coaches themselves, have nothing to do with X’s and O’s. They have nothing to do with knowledge of the game. That is a minimal requirement that a coach needs to be great. The vast majority of sticky notes describing the characteristics that make a coach great are posted under ‘Emotional Intelligence and Connection.” And here is the problem.

We don’t teach any of this to coaches! We spend 98% of our “coaching education” collecting drills and studying tactics, yet we say that only makes up 10-20% of a great coach! I have yet to meet a coach that put more sticky notes under “Knowledge” than he or she put under “Connection.”

Most coaches I cross paths with think that collecting drills and immersing themselves in the X’s and O’s is the path to greatness. But the coaches I have been interviewing for my research into cultures of sustained excellence understand that knowledge is what all coaches need, but it does not separate the good from the great. These master coaches have learned that you get the most out of athletes and teams by valuing them and connecting with them as people first, and players second.

They know that you coach a child, not a sport.

They know that their knowledge of the game only takes them so far. They must teach so kids learn. They must communicate so kids listen, and listen so kids can will talk. They understand how to push each individuals buttons, to get the most out of every relationship, and thus every player. Their relationships with players is what leads to excellence, and the excellence is what leads to success in the win and loss column.

These coaches are also lifelong learners. They never stop improving themselves, they never say “I know enough, now leave me alone.” They are always open to something new, something different, something that can help them connect and push their athletes at an even deeper level.

I believe every coach can learn to be one of these coaches, but not through traditional coaching education. You need to take one step further, but it is a step that makes the biggest difference.  You can start becoming one by studying these coaches and master teachers, learning about their cultures of excellence, and taking your coaching to whole new level by leaving the X’s and O’s alone for a bit.

If this interests you, please join our email list and we will be sending you information on our upcoming Coaching Mastery Course.   I want to teach you some of these secrets, and if you enjoy what you are learning, offer you an opportunity to go deeper, and really study what it takes to be a master coach. There is no other coaching course like this.

Final thoughts

We live in a world where our children need more positive roles models and mentors. They are not learning positive lessons through pop culture, or video games. They need sports and they need great coaches more than ever before.

It is time to start appreciating our coaches of positive significance. If you have one in your life, call him or her up and say thank you! Invite them over for dinner, or write them a letter. It is never too late to thank a person who changed your life!

Also, pass on this article to your team or club. Let parents know that we need to appreciate our great coaches so that they stick around. Stand up for them when others try to cut them down, instead of staying quiet and letting the lawnmower parents have their way. Don’t stand by and let others take away the positive role models in your child’s life!

Many times when the news turns to a discussion of an endangered species, critics say “it’s just a toad” or “it’s just a bird, it won’t be missed.” Whether you agree with that or not, I can promise you one thing:

When they are gone, our coaches of positive significance will be missed!

Don’t let them disappear without a good fight! Love them, appreciate them, support them!

And if you are a coach, become one of them! Become a coach of positive significance. We need you now more than ever!

Coach O’Sullivan is a former college and professional player as well as a high school, club team and college coach. He is offering a FREE video series that is part of his Coaching Mastery program. For more information about gaining access to that program click the link above or in the image below. The video series includes a wealth of coaching education including some motivational and team building ideas used by some of the most successful coaches.